Pronouncing the unpronounceable

Yes, I have loved.
 

Yes, I have loved and have experienced the purest of feelings, have delighted myself with the most exotic fragrances and tastes, have felt the warmth of my loved one’s skin upon my body. I have breathed his breath, I have taken in his light, and I have dreamt his dreams. I have entered the seventh castle, the state of enlightenment, of purity of soul.
 

Yes, I have loved and have gotten broken.
 

I have gambled my happiness. My laughter and the glow in my pupils were my most beloved tokens and I gambled then for fun. That pure and joyful laughter, so unmistakable and bright…and the glitter in my eyes! It just got blown away by the icy wind of despair whirling so close to me…so close.
I feel cold and dry like the leaves of the oaks in winter and the lake of my emotions has frozen, making my life look like an empty, white landscape. I ignore if there is life underneath the first ice layer of that lake; I don’t know how cold it is down there, for I can barely remember what my heat feels like.
I feel frustrated and insignificant before life and destiny; I feel like a breakable child in a very tough jungle of meanness and uncertainty. I am a youngster, an amateur, and yet I have loved.

And the roulette turned, and I bet for evens. I prayed, I crossed my fingers and spoke my magical luck-spells. The rolling ball, the turning roulette, my finger crossed for evens…
 

Odds? I lost my most precious tokens; did I lose my most precious tokens?
 

In the midst of this misery I still stop to wonder if summer is coming soon to melt the ice and fill the leaves with juice of life and give them the green back that has been taken away from them; the phthalo green, the emerald green, the grass green… I do wonder if the sun of the south is going to melt down my icy upper layer and just go through my pores into my skin, and into my soul.
 

Tell me, sun of the south: Are you strong enough to wait until my melting point, until my passion awakens? Are you strong enough to acknowledge that you might find yet another ice layer under it? Do you feel so powerful that you believe yourself to defeat distance and time and send me your beautiful rays through my window every morning? Do you really think your warmth and brightness are enough?
Please melt me down and merge with me. Make warmth to me, make light to me, and make love to me. Give me your heat, lighten my path, and fill my body with yourself. But do not burn me, for I feel like a breakable child in a tough jungle of meanness and uncertainty. And I love you.